My Favorite Airline Passengers, Part I
I’ve done a bunch of flying in the last few months (for work and training). I still get a little excited every time I fly. Airports have so many people and airplanes have so many people in a small spot. This means excellent people watching. I’ve come up with some of my favorite passenger profiles:
- Can’t fit anything in the over-head bin: Why does it take 30 minutes to get 100 people on a small commuter plane? Because of this guy. Maybe if you owned a less awkwardly shaped bag you wouldn’t struggle to find a bin that a L-shaped opening. Seriously, you weren’t that good at tetris, why do you think you can manage this bin? Go find another one and let me guy by!
- Wonders why there isn’t a blanket: Why are you making a big deal? You paid $400+ for this seat and your happiness is hinging on a pillow / blanket. Those things are gross, expensive, and if it’s such a necessity–why don’t you pack one? Stop bothering the flight attendant and making me listen to you.
- Slept through beverage service: If you can’t stay awake for the 20 minute boarding process, 5 minute taxing and 15 minute ascent before beverage service why do you deserve a cup of Sprite? Are you really that tired? Was there nothing you could’ve done to pass the few minutes before a drink would come around? Apparently so because now you and the seven other lazy passengers are going to make the attendant go back and forth between the galley. That’s 14 trips he or she didn’t need to do.
- The seatbelt sign doesn’t apply to me: The plane touched the ground, seatbelt off! Dude, you’re in row 24–you won’t be grabbing your bag for at least 12 more minutes: sit down! Oh and why did you think it was cool to get up and go to the bathroom whenever you wanted? The light is on because it’s not safe, dummy. I’m glad they called you out over the intercom, you self-centered tool.
Please tell me you fit one of these profiles because you make my flights go so much faster! And if you’re not, please tell me you find as much pleasure in these people as I do.
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Comments
Hahah I love your last comment–I do the same on occasion. I intentionally change in the airport bathroom just so I can do it in jeans and watch how I’m treated differently.
So agreed– particularly on the overhead bin guy. I understand that some people just bring carry-on luggage, but, seriously, why must people bring enormous wheeled monsters for a 2 hour flight?
These are all classics. I mean, really, why should it take a person more than one flight with an awkward carry-on to think, “Hey, maybe I should get a different bag that actually fits in the overhead bin?”
However, my biggest flight annoyance is the phenomenon where a majority of the people who, upon the seatbelt light going off, leap out of their seats, grab their stuff, and lunge towards the front. Unless you’ve got an insanely short layover, chill out and we can all get off this plane in a timely manner.
Haha, the overhead bins are clearly a sore spot for everyone.
But yes, the fact people stand up immediately as if there aren’t 50 people in front of them… blows my mind. You just sat for 3 hours, what’s another 2 minutes?
You forgot my personal favorite: I don’t really need to buy a second seat for my two year old child who will have an absolute meltdown ten minutes into the flight.
There was one of those on my last trip. I felt bad for the kid but I really wanted to kick the parents.
[…] traveled quite a bit lately and have been working on being able to entertainingly come up with some common passenger profiles. Here are a few more of my […]
I flew right at 140,000 miles last year and I feel your pain. My favorite passengers are the ones who fly a lot but still do not understand the security process… “Oh, I can’t bring this gallon jug of vaseline?”
“Elites” who feel the need to block the boarding area. I know that overhead space is limited but come on, sit down and wait. It really gets to me when I happen to be sitting in First and the people blocking the gate look at me like I’m in the wrong place (I look young). Sorry, my boarding pass reads “1B”.